


Sour Readings

by SideDoor



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: Crack, Gen, Not in the least, S.E.M, SideM, This is pure crack, spoilers for citrus, this isn't serious, we are s.e.m go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SideDoor/pseuds/SideDoor
Summary: S.E.M is faced with the daunting task of finding a venue for their next show. However, one evening while reviewing possible places, Jiro and Rui find some surprising reading material at Michio's home.





	Sour Readings

"If you two will excuse me, I will get some refreshments from the kitchen."

_"O-K!"_

"Hmm."

As Michio slides the door shut behind him, Jiro and Rui turn back towards each other and the stack of papers situated between them on the low-sitting table.

"What do you think about this one, Mr. Yamashita?" Rui asks as he promptly resumes their work, picking up and shoving the next sheet atop the stack at Jiro's face.

The older man leans forward, just barely, before releasing some mix between a huff and a sigh. "I think that it is time for a break."

_"No can do!_ At this rate, we won't even finish _half_ of these tonight!" Rui protests. He flips the page back towards himself, eyes squinting as he focuses to read the words and finer print. "Mr. Hazama was looking at this one earlier. The venue doesn't seem too bad location-wise, but the fees sound kind of sketchy."

"I say we just ask someone for help. Jupiter has plenty of experience with this," Jiro replies, clearly only-half interested and half-listening. He leans back on his hands, eyes slipping closed in an attempt to shut out the next suggestion.

"But this is a surprise performance! If we let the others know, it ruins the whole thing," Rui pouts before flipping to the next page.

However, his concentration on the next venue's outline is broken as Jiro heaves out a rough sigh and runs a hand through his hair. "I have to give it to you, you have passion and commitment, but I can't take any more of this for now."

"But we are so close to finishing!"

The science man chuckles lightly and waves his hand about vaguely. "Sure, we might be with _this_ stack. But if none of these work out, we'll be back to square one."

"You should be a little more optimistic. There have been a few good contenders, and Mr. Hazama said some of the ones he found today sound promising!"

Jiro merely leans back further on the palms of his hands, intent on taking his break. "I still say we put this on hold. Hazama-san will be back with refreshments short-"

His words cut out as surprise colors his face, eyes widening and throat choking on words. His hands slip out from beneath him, and he tumbles backwards, head smacking into a bookshelf behind him as a row of vertically-stacked paperbacks tumble on top of him.

"Mr. Yamashita!" Rui calls in alarm. "Are you all right? That sounded painful."

The blond man scrambles around the table to where Jiro lies beneath a mountain of books. He rubs at the back of his head where he is certain a particularly nasty bump is sure to form, just as Rui begins pulling the books off the older man.

"I will be..." Jiro mutters under his breath as he grabs for a manga that had fallen atop his stomach face down. "I thought Hazama-san would have nothing but math textbooks, to be entirely honest. I wouldn't expect for him to be a manga...kind...of..." He trails off as he rotates the book around to peer at the cover, and his face blossoms into a deep scarlet.

"What's the matter, Mr. Yamashita?"

Rui leans over to glance at the manga with Jiro, and in an instant, he can feel his own face grow hot as he peers at the image plastered to the front cover.

Two girls stare back at them, one with blond hair and the other with black. The first has her hand cupped over the mouth of the second while she holds a finger up to her own lips in a shushing gesture. It was the seventh volume of the series, and by the blushes adorning the cheeks of the two girls, both men could deduce that this series was _way_ more risque than what they would ever have thought the third member of their trio to be into.

"W-What is this?" Jiro questions, just as he flips open the book.

The page he lands on shows the two girls wearing yukatas, fireworks shooting up into the sky behind them. Jiro and Rui's eyes, however, focus on the center of the page, where-

_"They're kissing!"_ Ruin exclaims.

"Quiet, Rui! Jiro hushes.

But the blond is already moving, rushing to collect another book that had fallen to the floor. It is the previous volume of the same series, and the cover artwork ignites a deeper flush onto the young man's cheeks. The two girls are again directed towards the reader, and they grip upon each other in a sensual manner, one that has Rui's mind fervently racing to piece together _why_ Mr. Hazama would have such a raunchy piece of literature in his possession.

Jiro plucks the book from Rui's hands and opens again to a random page, hoping to find redemption within this volume - but the page upon which he lands is of the black-haired girl holding up a personalized notebook, titled "The Great Operation to be Happy LoveLove with Mei!" The other girl, the blond, has an overly-cartoony expression of shock plastered on her face in horror that her secret possession has been found. Jiro flips a few pages over, and the blond girl is leaning over the other, foreheads pressed together and faces equally as red as the two men ogling at the manga.

Jiro pushes the sixth volume back into Rui's hands, and the younger man continues to cautiously flip through the pages.

"What is Mr. Hazama doing with this?!" Jiro exclaims.

"They are my little sister's books."

"Oh, well that ma-"

Jiro's mouth hangs ajar, prepped for the next syllable, but words fall dead on his tongue.

"M-M-Mr. Hazama!" Rui stutters out, eyes jumping up and down from Michio's composed face to the manga, still open to a page of one girl - _Yuzu,_ if he recalls correctly, leaning in precariously _closely_ to the other girl, one whose name he couldn't remember.

"Hmm?"

"I-I-It's not what it looks like!" The blond finally shuts the book, nearly chucking it across the room with the force used to detach it from his iron-clad grip forged from fear.

"It looks like some books fell from the shelf. Are you telling me something else happened?" Michio asks, cocking his head slightly to the left in confusion.

"Yes, ye-" Rui bites hit tongue and then blinks as he realizes he jumped the gun with his response. "No, no - not at all! That is exactly what happened!"

"Yes, well, I appreciate your help in cleaning up these books. This section of the shelf is my sister's collection, and I do not wish to see her possessions damaged."

Rui stalls, mouth twitching as he attempts to regurgitate words, but the only thing that comes up is some odd throat sounds.

"Hazama-san, what are they doing with you?" Jiro questions. "It is more than a simple drive to get from your place to your parents'."

Michio bends to begin collecting the other fallen volumes, assuring they are replaced on the shelf in numerical order. "As you can imagine, she is embarrassed by the content. However, she enjoys the plot quite a lot, so she has requested that I hold onto them for her."

"Ah, that's so kind of you, Mr. Hazama!" Rui perks up, a smile now lighting up his face, even as he stares down at the eighth - and much more sultry - volume cover.

"I must admit," Michio continues, "the beginning is written in poor taste, but the plot is rather interesting."

"I see, I see," the blond man replies, both he and Jiro nodding along in understanding.

They begin picking up a handful of the fallen books themselves before a sudden realization of Michio's words hit them at full force and they freeze, their collected volumes spilling freely from their loosened grips.

_"Whaaaaaaat!?"_

 

* * *

 

_omake_

"In Chapter 36, Mei leaves a letter behind for Yuzu, expressing how appreciative she is of the girl but ending their relationship due to her arranged marriage. However, many people fail to see that, despite Mei's every intention to cut ties with Yuzu, it is also a love letter."

Jiro nods vigorously, hand clasped at his chin in fascination, while Rui fumbles for the box of tissues placed on the opposite end of the table, sniffling and mumbling, "It was a love letter," to himself as he loudly blows his nose into the wad of tissues.

"The last chapter was released earlier this week and-"

Michio is cut off by Rui suddenly jolting forward and clamping his palms over the math man's mouth.

"No spoilers, no spoilers!"

Michio furrows his brows in response, eyeing the ninth volume held in his lap. "But I have already told you everything up to-"

"But the end is the _ultimate_ spoiler!" Jiro cuts in.

A moment of silence passes before his face goes red, burning under the realization he voiced his interest in this girly and... _provocative_ series.

Despite the nervous awkwardness radiating from the brunet, Michio merely nods. "I understand. If you would like, I can lend you the first volume. I am sure my sister would not mind."

Instantly, Rui shoots an arm up, hand raised and drawing all the attention to himself.

_"Yes, please!_ Me first!"

**Author's Note:**

> This was made as nothing but a joke at my sister, so pwease don't take this seriously and pwease don't be mean. Regardless of how horribly outrageous this is, I hope those of you who have - for whatever reason - clicked on this fic have enjoyed reading. :)


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